Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Look

So, as I mentioned below, Middlemarch has one of the most romantic lines ever. But I have to say that it wouldn't work without The Look. There is this certain look that is an indispensable component of the very best romantic moments in chic flicks. It's a look that passes from hero to heroine that is fraught with meaning and that sort of heart-skipping mental exclamation point that comes when the characters (and viewer) realize that there is Something Going On and we darn well better be sure to stick around and see what unfolds.

Examples:

Gilbert's look at Anne when he says "Carrots" (at the end of the whole thing, not when he breaks the slate).

Robin Hood's look at Marian when he's on the boat, being rowed away from her.

Mr. Darcy's look at Elizabeth when she is playing the piano and looks up at him.

Captain Wentworth's look at Anne Elliot when she comes out to meet him after reading his letter.

Etc., etc. You get the idea. Robert Redford is really good at The Look.

I've had my own experience with The Look. I got one when I was dating Rog, and it basically marked the point at which the relationship became serious.

So, guys, practice it in the mirror. Maybe it will make your dreams come true.

If your wife doesn't burst out laughing.

Yeah, come to think of it, married people don't really get The Look anymore. Well, they get a look, but it's not that look. It usually means "You've got something green stuck between your teeth," or "It's time to goooooooooo" (at a boring party), or "Your turn to change the diaper." So what is it that disappears when you get married, and what is it replaced by? Whatever it is that happens, Jane Austen didn't know about it, because she never married. That's why her books are so very romantic and fun--but ultimately not as deeply moving to me, because they leave out the most important part of a relationship, which is what happens to it once both parties have expressed commitment. How do they learn to live together? How does their love change and grow? How do they become best friends, and then one in heart? That's the deeper romance, but it is not an exclamation point. (But I secretly believe that it will be an exclamation point in the next life, that God will magnify our relationships so that we can feel all the best parts of the falling in love process AT THE SAME TIME as we feel all the best parts of the being in love, learning to love, loving with all our soul process that happens over a lifetime.)

So what, really, is romance AFTER marriage?

Well, for me it is my husband, who doesn't care for poetry, buying me a laptop to pursue my hobby. It's his arriving home tired, looking at me (the look?), and sending me to my room with a good book for some peace while HE makes dinner. It's his tucking me in when I'm tired or sad. It's his holding me when I cry.

That's true romance.

It's nice, though, to have a Look to look back on, too.

Something I've learned from my kids . . .

Running is so much more fun if you yell "Yaaaaaaaaaaah" while you run.

Mother's Day

Well, it's been and gone and it hardly affected me this year. I think that's because I had to lead the primary children in their sacrament meeting serenade--my first time leading in public. I was too nervous to think about much else or do anything but laugh at the usual "angel mother" talks.

I did manage to squeeze in some time missing my own mom, though not as much as I did last week at Ben's baptism. I feel further and further away from her every year. Did I ever really know her? I have the sneaking feeling that I am missing my daydreams of the relationship we would have if she were here more than I'm missing her in particular. I hope she'll forgive me for that. (If I were gone, I would want my kids to miss ME in particular. ME ME ME.)

Speaking of ME ME ME, I did get some nice pampering. Nothing is better than the door popping open and all my little guys walking in with shy grins and a tray of breakfast. Then they want to sit in bed with me while I eat it, and Roger hauls them out so I can get my favorite thing: quiet. I also got a nice, loooong nap in the afternoon (very important since I was up until 2 a.m. two nights before--see previous post on bookgroup).

Someone once asked me what I would suggest they assign as the topic for people to speak on on Mother's Day (they probably asked me because I whine so much about the talks). I didn't even have to think about it. Here's what the topic should always be on Mother's Day: the atonement. It's the only hope for any mother. It has more to do with motherhood than anything else has.

Here's my wish for all the mothers out there (and a reminder to myself): if you felt twinges on Mother's Day about the ways you don't measure up to the Angel Mothers you heard praised in sacrament meeting, ask the Lord whether you should be working on something, or repenting of something. If so, sipmply repent and do better. Don't agonize! Forgive yourself, and your kids, and your own mother. But, also, ASK THE LORD WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT. He'll tell you if you ask. I know; I've tried it. And what's more precious than that?

Book Group: Middlemarch

Well, even though none of us had finished it in time, we went ahead and had our meeting anyway. Mostly because this month's meeting was a retreat at my in-laws' cabin and who would miss out on a chance to leave the kids behind and spend 24 hours yakking with other chics and watching chic flics and eating chic food? (Yes, we did have Cafe Rio salad. And plenty of chocolate.)

As I said, I didn't finish the book in time--only about 200 pages to go, which is pretty good for a 600 page book. So we watched the Masterpiece Theater version (which is wonderful) until the wee hours and then finished it in the morning. (I hit the sack at 2:00 a.m. but the other chics stayed up until at least 4:00 chatting.) Can I just say that I think one of the most romantic lines of all time is in that movie?

Dorothea: "Don't forget me."
Will: "As if I weren't in danger of forgetting everything else."

Hoo-boy.

This wasn't the first time I had seen this movie (although it is my first time reading the book). But I was a little more mature this time, I think. Before, when I saw it, I was too busy trying to match everyone else to be able to see what it was all really about. Do you do that, too? Try to get everyone paired off with the right person for a happy ending? That first time, I couldn't get over feeling that Dorothea should have married Dr. Lydgate. They both have their ideals; they would help each other, etc.

Now I think Dorothea should have married the curate, Mr. Farebrother. (You see, I'm still doing it. Why does Dorothea have to marry anyone for happiness? Well, she just does. I guess I'm a Mormon. We can't shake that romantic notion.)

One thing that bugged me this time was her complete lack of interest in having her own children. It just doesn't seem to occur to her. I don't think it occured to George Eliot either, for that matter (which explains Dorothea; Dorothea does seem to be awfully similar to the author in many ways). With all her desire for doing something productive, improving the world, etc., you would think she might think of having children in order to give her life purpose, especially before Causabon died, while she was still trapped.

I DO understand, however, the desire to do something more, something outside a family circle, to improve the world. I also understand Dorothea's ever-present guilt at having "too much," and a feeling of obligation to do something to sort of make up for all she has. I feel it too--more in a spiritual sense than in a wealth-sense. But it's still there, and sometimes feels just as impossible to appease.

We also watched Persuasion, since we read that last time. I love everything about that movie: the music, the cinematography, the acting. Yummy, yummy chic flics!

Roger is hoping I've got it out of my system for a while. (The chic flic thing.) I make him watch Pride and Prejudice with me every few years and he puts up the obligatory fuss. (But I know he secretly loves it. He probably sneaks down when I'm asleep and watches it all the time.) He thinks all chic flics are comedies and loves to laugh at all the "characters" (Rachel Lynde, Mary Musgrove, Mrs. Bennett). He doesn't laugh at the romantic heroes, though, so I know he's got his head on straight.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Tagged

I've been tagged.

I'm not exactly sure how it works. I'm assuming I get to make up my own categories. So here goes:

5 Contemporary Writers Who Have Changed My Worldview
Annie Dillard
Neal Chandler
Carol Lynn Pearson
Orson Scott Card
Barbara Kingsolver

5 Favorite Books I’ve Discovered in the Past Five Years
The Ladies’ Auxiliary
Gilead
The Evening and the Morning
Lying Awake
Discoveries (LDS Women’s poetry)

5 TV Shows that I have watched more than once in the past year
West Wing
The Red Green Show
General Conference
Olympics coverage
Masterpiece Theater

5 Things I hope to have in the next life
Long, curly hair
A beautiful solo voice
Good posture
Unlimited time to read
Second chances in some relationships

5 Talents and interests I sadly lack
Gardening
Quilting, Sewing
Anything with the internet
Scrapbooking
Home Decorating

5 New things in my life this year
Segullah
Knitting
Writing picture books
Yoga
blogging

5 Funky Facts About Me
I can wiggle one ear, raise my eyebrows individually, and wiggle my nose three different ways.
I’ve bungee-jumped.
I’ve delivered all of my children without anesthesia. (One of them without my husband present, too. Not, of course, on purpose.)
I love to travel but hate visiting tourist sites. (I spent five minutes looking at the Grand Canyon.)
I got up the first time I tried water-skiing on one ski. (It was the kiss for luck that did it.)

5 Jobs I’ve Had
Full-time Nanny in Allentown, Pennsylvania
Food-worker at Orange Julius (yes, in brown polyester)
Cleaning the Cougar Stadium after football games
ZCMI
Technical Writer

5 Combinations I like to eat in the same bite
Turkey gravy on peas
Roast beef gravy on cottage cheese
Chocolate chips and peanut-butter
Yogurt with almonds
Gooey brownies with popcorn

Monday, May 01, 2006

News About Me

It's already pretty obvious that I know nothing about blog software or how to put nifty stuff here. I'd like to figure out how to add some links and some other permanent sidebar stuff. Since I don't know how to do any of that yet, I'll just post some news here.

I have poetry in the most recent issue of Segullah. You can read it at www.Segullah.org.

I have a poem appearing in Popcorn Popping tomorrow. See it at www.popcornpopping.net.

I have a poem coming out in the next issue of Dialogue.

There. Now you know what I write. If you get a chance to check any of it out, let me know what you think.