Saturday, April 28, 2007

Yikes! My doctor reads my blog!

So get this . . .

I go to my doctor for a little visit. The first thing he says when he walks in is, "I have a confession to make."

Turns out, his briefcase got stolen and he was worried about identity theft (his own, I assume). So he googled his name and found my post about him here.

I said, "Well, you can't complain about what I said about you, can you?"

I don't know how much of the blog he read. I doubt he read much--it doesn't seem the kind of thing to interest a guy like him. But, blogging is blogging, you know, and I've never been much of a private person. I'm not ashamed of anything I've written.

So, anyway, the moral of this story is, be careful what you say . . . you never know who is reading. (Hi, Dr. G. You should have left a comment, you know?)

Friday, April 20, 2007

Poetry

You can read three of my poems (including the "boob job" one you've been waiting for) over at Segullah. Click here: http://www.segullah.org, then click on "Read Segullah" at the top left. Select "Current Issue." You'll see my poems near the bottom of the table of contents on the right side of the screen. Let me know what you think.

Name That Tune Friday


I woke up with a great song in my head (#2 below) and decided it’s time to see who out there shares my taste (or some of it) in music. Of course, I’m a child of the 80’s, so these will all be very old. Here’s your quiz for the day: can you name the artist, the title, or some of lyrics? (Hint: the picture above goes with one of these.)

1. (this one’s for Jen)

Well, my girl just called me up,
And she woke me from my sleep.
You shoulda heard the things she said;
You know she hurt my feelings deep.

2. (pitching this one to you, Mark)

You know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand and a thoughtful pose—
Gotta tend the earth if you want to grow.

3. (for Kathy)

Woah, the city’s alive, a passionate flame
That calls me by name.

4. (I’m hoping you’ll get this one Chris. It’s from the wilder edge of my taste way back when, but if you know it, it’s probably from your milder side.)

I’m on the chopping block,
Chopping out my stomping thoughts.
Self doubt and selfism
Are the cheapest things I ever bought.

5. (for Rog)

We'll be together 'til the end of time
And when you smile (--- ---- [the name of the song])
It's just like blue sunshine (blue sunshine!)

Wow, now that I’ve gotten started, I could go on and on. But we’ll keep it at 5, lest you get overwhelmed.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Book Report 4/19/07

I think it’s time for me to report on some of the books I’ve been reading lately. I’ve done a lot less reading lately because of my illness—it’s become difficult for me to concentrate and reading is uncomfortable. (Can you imagine a more frustrating symptom for me????) But here are a few I’ve managed to get through.

1. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. This was my second time reading this. I re-read it for book group and enjoyed it again. One thing I didn’t enjoy—well, which actually drove me nutty—was the dialect. It was very distracting and made reading difficult for me. I’ve never been a fan of dialect. I know Hurston wanted to preserve some of the color and make the characters more realistic and flavorful with the language, but I wish she had kept the turns-of-phrase without the phonetic spellings. The point is that these characters sounded regular to each other, not rural or uneducated. I feel that making them sound rural and uneducated to ME messes with my ability to accept the point of view. That is, I am distanced from the characters whose point of view I am invited to share, basically jettisoned from the story that I am supposed to be immersed in.

It reminds me of Orson Scott Card’s essay about writing science fiction. He talks about people who are so interested in the new world they’ve created that they let it get in the way of telling the story the way it should be told. The example he gives is of a writer who says, “The door dilated and he went out.” So what if doors dilate in that world? No one who grew up in that world would comment on it. They would simply say, “He went out,” because to them, going out through a dilated door would be so commonplace as to be not worth mentioning. To mention it, in fact, would be to mess with our ability to participate in that character’s point of view (or make us suspect that that character wasn’t actually from that world). (Or, of course, make us suspect the author of poor writing.)

The other thing that stood out to me this time was that, in a way, the “god” that “their eyes were watching,” is Janie. The phrase comes from a scene in the book when the people huddle in their huts looking out the door at the approaching hurricane, “watching God.” But the way everyone watches Janie, and the way the author describes Janie herself (as “the entire universe in one single drop”—paraphrase), makes me think that it’s also all about the godliness of one soul.

2. Ceremony by Leslie Silko. This was the second Native American novel I read this year, the first being House Made of Dawn by N. Scott Momaday, which I didn’t enjoy at all although it was startlingly similar in basic premise. This one I enjoyed a lot, especially the second half. It’s about Tayo, a Laguna who because of a terrible experience in Japan during the war is damaged emotionally and psychologically. He spends time in a hospital recovering and then is discharged to his reservation. In the course of his healing, he spends time with a medicine man who shows him how his pain doesn’t come just from his war experience but from the sickness that the whole world is experiencing. The thing I found most fascinating about this book was the way that a religious world view, and the character’s discovery of/return to it permeates the book. I’m always looking for ways that authors have incorporated religion into their fiction. I wish that my mind were more clear so that I could analyze whether this book is a good example of what an LDS writer could do. Either way, it was a good read.

3. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. So I can’t remember who all told me I had to read this but I trusted them and ran out and got it (well, actually, ran out and put my name on the list at the library). And here’s my sum-up: good yarn, lousy writing. It’s too darn bad, too, because it needed only a really good editor. My guess is that the publishers were in such a rush to get it out that they didn’t bother. I was gripped by it, especially in the second half, but I sure didn’t enjoy it. The most annoying problem for me was POV violations, but there was also an annoying lack of creativity in description and vocabulary. Nevertheless, Meyer is or will soon be a millionaire over it so who am I to talk?

4. Pain Free: A Revolutionary Method for Stopping Chronic Pain by Pete Egoscue. I’ve been reading several books like this (on meditation, breathing, posture, wellness, etc.) and especially recommend the ones by Dr. Andrew Weil. This one is about motion and using certain exercises to eliminate and prevent chronic musculoskeletal pain. I found it fascinating and saw almost immediate results when I did some of the exercises. I think anyone contemplating any sort of joint or spinal surgery should read this first.

So there’s what I’ve been up to. What have you read lately that you couldn’t put down? What should I not miss? I’d love your suggestions.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Reasons that I must be about to get better:

Last week both cars broke down, one of them twice. Also, the cat got bitten and had to go to the vet. Also, we had a plumbing leak that will require major repair. Also, I bounced three checks because I sent a deposit to the wrong account.

Why are these reasons that I must be on the mend?
Because we have had almost NO stressful problems at all for the past nine months or so, and I have felt all along that God was preserving me from such stressful things because he knew I couldn’t handle them in conjunction with my illness.

Therefore, he must know that I am getting to the point where I can handle things—right?

And, by the way, the illness has left me with remarkable serenity about these kinds of things. It’s as if my usual stress-responses have been re-educated. I’ve learned what things really do matter (health) and what don’t (money, tasks). Wouldn’t it be cool, though, if I could reach a place of serenity in which health wouldn’t matter either? Of course, I have been praying for this kind of faith all along. “One step at a time, Lord.” When health hasn’t come as quickly as I had hoped, I have resigned myself to praying, “Well, if I can’t feel well today, at least let me be able to make it through sacrament meeting doing my calling,” or “Help me to at least get the bills paid.”

It seems obvious, but I am learning literally that faith means finding a way for it to be OK even if I am NOT well (not just having faith that I’ll get well).

Saturday, April 14, 2007

More on Dutcher

(In case you don't remember, here is the link to my last rant about Richard Dutcher: http://apersonnamedeunice.blogspot.com/2006/08/why-i-am-so-annoyed-that-richard.html )

OK, so now that I’ve had time to think a little more I believe I can make an attempt at explaining why I am so disappointed, and feel so personally affected by Dutcher’s decision.

I value Dutcher’s skill as a filmmaker and a truthteller. These things haven’t changed. But I realize now that the thing I valued him most for is the thing we have lost. I will try to explain it here.

I have always believed that there is a large audience of LDS consumers of art that hasn’t been tapped yet. These are the people who are literate, who appreciate a more filling kind of fiction, for example, than your usual Deseret Book fare, but who have learned to look outside of LDS literature to get what they want. I have met these people in book groups all over the country. I believe that they would love a more challenging (but still faithful) LDS literature . . . IF (and it’s a big if) they felt that they could trust the literature to be both faithful AND not shallow. They don’t want to be talked down to, preached to, or emotionally manipulated. But they don’t want to read an “LDS” novel that drags their minds through the gutter or ends with people “seeing the light” and leaving the church.

And I don’t think these are unreasonable expectations. Nor do I think there is no such kind of literature (or film) out there, especially after my involvement in AML. The trick is to get the literature/films PRODUCED, PUBLISHED and MARKETED. That is an awfully big trick.

The other trick is to EDUCATE this audience that there can be such a thing, and to help them grow into understanding and accepting such a kind of art.

I saw Richard Dutcher as being in a prime position to do this kind of educating. He was producing the kind of art I wanted to see, the kind I knew we were capable of. He didn’t get the financial support he should have, but that’s because his audience is young, and just beginning to grow in trust that we can produce such things. I felt he had a great future ahead of him of influencing the LDS audience for good. He will continue to influence some of us, but he has lost the position I had felt he had. He will no longer be able to influence the people I was hoping he would reach. I feel a huge sense of loss about this.

There are still some very promising writers and filmmakers, and I have great hopes that others of us will step in and do what Dutcher will no longer be able to do. But I have lost one of my heroes. I am deeply sorry for myself.

***

By the way, why doesn’t Deseret Book get smart and come out with a new imprint designated for book groups? I know of several manuscripts that would be perfect to reach this audience I’m talking about. Why don’t they go out on a limb and publish some of these under a “bookgroup” label? I think it would catch on and do really well. (I have to give credit to Angela Hallstrom for this idea.)

Dang it!

http://www.heraldextra.com/content/view/217694/

(I'll save you the trouble. It's Richard Dutcher's farewell plea to Mormon filmmakers. Farewell, because he also anounces, way down at the very end, that he is leaving the church.)

The thing is, it's a very well-written plea, and I agree with everything he says.

The other thing is that I don't think he has any right to say it. He can't speak to us anymore ("us" being people trying to produce great art about and for Mormons FROM WITHIN THE COMMUNITY).

Yes, yes I know. It doesn't matter what a person's religious persuasion is, really, when it comes to telling the truth. His membership or lack thereof doesn't change whether or not what he says is accurate or true.

But!

I just wanted him to prove everyone wrong. He was the one who was managing to tell hard stories truthfully. He was my hope for raising literary standards among Mormon consumers of art. I think he was going to succeed, if he could have hung in there. There was always the feeling, for me, of "Richard Dutcher is doing it. We can do it too."

Dang it, dang it, dang it!

I imagine I'll have more to say about this when I can think more clearly.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

tagged

I'm taking Jen's challenge.

Three Things That Scare Me:
1. swings, when I’m going really high
2. driving on icy roads
3. hubby’s habit of driving and operating his handheld at the same time

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:

in real life:
1. my dad
2. my sister-in-law Betsy
3. Segullah chics late at night (well, probably anyone late at night)

in my alternate cyber-existence:
1. cjane
2. jollyporter
3. eric snider

Three Things I Love:
1. Truffles de France
2. going to bed early with a good book
3. rainstorms

Three Things I Hate:
1. that whiny tattletale voice, “Mommmmmm!”
2. shopping
3. earaches

Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. why people are habitually late
2. why people enjoy shopping
3. why anyone would watch horror movies on purpose

Three Things On My Desk:
1. a thesaurus
2. my latest rejection letter
3. a list of ideas for “Friend” stories

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. updating the Health Savings Account
2. hoping the kids’ Justice League video lasts a little longer
3. ignoring a headache

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. publish a book of poetry
2. get an MFA
3. renew my teaching certificate

Three Things I Can Do:
1. sing several choruses from The Messiah fairly well
2. raise one eyebrow, wiggle one ear
3. recite “Pied Beauty”

Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. shop well
2. stay up past 10:30 with any comfort
3. drive the van towing the trailer without panic

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Noteworthy Ladies
2. Sam Payne
3. dramatized The Lord of the Rings (BBC)

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. Spanish
2. how to train for a half-marathon (and do it)
3. guitar

Three Favorite Foods:
1. Café Rio smothered burrito
2. homemade peach pie
3. popcorn with chocolate

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. Mickey Mouse Club (dream: to be a mousketeer)
2. The Facts of Life
3. Eight is Enough

Three Things I Regret:
1. being impatient or absent-minded with my kids
2. not taking the job offer to be Richard Lloyd Anderson’s research assistant at BYU
3. wasting time being bored during my summers when I was a teenager

Monday, April 09, 2007

AML Conference (Sing to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

A day or two ago
I thought I’d take a ride
Down to UVSC
My notebook by my side

The turnout wasn’t great
But lots of friends were there
Scott Parkin was much skinnier
Gae Lynn had darker hair—Oh,

AML, AML, things are going well—
Better now than last year when we thought we were in heck—Oh,
AML, AML, things are going well
Best renew your membership; it’s not the time to bail!

Rick Walton took the cake
With his plenary speech
(Let’s get him on the Board—
He’d magnify our reach)

The luncheon was the best;
I love to socialize
With Angela and Scott and all
Those clever, funny guys—Oh,

AML, AML, things are going well—
Better now than last year when we thought we were in heck—Oh,
AML, AML, things are going well
Best renew your membership; it’s not the time to bail!

And later on that night
We all met up at Gene’s
To analyze just what it is that
Mormon Letters means

We heard some nifty prose
From John, Patricia, Tim,
And Aaron and Rick W
With Harlow chiming in—Oh,

AML, AML, things are going well—
Better now than last year when we thought we were in heck—Oh,
AML, AML, things are going well
Best renew your membership; it’s not the time to bail!

Friday, April 06, 2007

My Heart Stretching and Groaning: Four Vignettes of Motherhood

1.


Several times in the past week I have dragged three-year-old with me on various errands, including doctor visits. Twice he has been offered special toys or treats by the people we have visited. Both times the little guy has looked up at the nurse/salesperson and asked, “May I have one for my brother, too” (meaning the five-year-old, his usual partner in crime when not at kindergarten)? Now, I don’t know about your kids, but such thoughtfulness is rare around here, especially at that age.


2.


11-year-old is angry with me because I assigned him a bigger chore than he thinks is fair. He spends the day lying around sulking instead of doing it and therefore doesn’t get to play all day. By the end of the day we are both frustrated at each other. In exasperation he finally writes me a note: “Dear Mom, [Giant black scribble]. Love, A.”

It has been a long, horrible day for me which began with an invasive and extremely uncomfortable medical procedure and then a broken-down car. I am feeling sick. I am already an emotional wreck. I am trying to make it through to bedtime, which is still a long way away since hubby has Young Men’s tonight (and they are coming HERE and the house is a WRECK).

Son hands me the note. I take one look at it and burst into sobs.

Son, in absolute horror at what he has done, bursts into sobs himself and then delivers several more notes over the course of the evening about how sorry he is for hurting my feelings.

3.

I try to keep the tradition of asking each child to give, at the supper table, a report on their day at school. I usually remember three days out of the week. I was really glad I remembered this time because, at the end of his report, 11-year-old says, “And the bad thing was that I decided to play basketball at recess, and they were choosing teams and they chose me last. But they argued a long time about who had to have me on their team.”

OUCH!

The really amazing thing is that he went ahead and played anyway—and then went back to them the next day and asked to play again. (He is determined to increase his skills.)

I am utterly blown away by his courage and, of course, am telling him so every chance I get.

4.



I find five-year-old sobbing in his bed. “You like [three-year-old brother] more than you like me!” I ask him what makes him think so. “You call him by his nickname more than you use mine. And you make up more songs about him than you do about me.” Truth is, he’s got me there. I am guilty of both of those things. But NOT about liking the other brother more. Well, on second thought, I may even be guilty of that one, too. At least lately. But definitely NOT about LOVING the other brother more. Five-year-old has been so difficult lately that I see that he may be right about my likes. Definitely he is right about the nick-names and the songs. It doesn’t matter that he has never liked me to sing silly songs to him (will even ask me to stop)—doesn’t matter, because the emotional root of the matter is that he has picked up on my frustration with him lately. And that is so very sad. More sad is the sight of a tiny lump sobbing in a bed for a lack of mother-warmth.



I wonder sometimes if mother-repentance is just my natural state of being. Certainly it is during that half-hour after they are asleep and I am on my knees and all the mistakes of the day haunt me. Then, once again, I creep into their rooms and whisper my apologies to their quivering eyelids.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The Trouble with Poetry

the trouble with poetry is
that it encourages the writing of more poetry,
more guppies crowding the fish tank,
more baby rabbits
hopping out of their mothers into the dewy grass.

And how will it ever end?
unless the day finally arrives
when we have compared everything in the world
to everything else in the world,

and there is nothing left to do
but quietly close our notebooks
and sit with our hands folded on our desks.

-from "The Trouble with Poetry" by Billy Collins.

And, by the way, I'll have two or three (not sure) poems, including the famous "boob job" poem, coming out in the new issue of Segullah. You can watch their website for the release, if you're interested. (The text of all issues is available at the website, but you miss out on a lot by not subscribing! The art is wonderful.)